Windshields, Courage, and the Real Me
What is it about windshields that make us so brave?
It happened today. I
was running late to a memorial service. Time
had gotten away from me and I didn’t realize it until I was on the edge of
tardiness. So, I jumped in my car and
zoomed out of my driveway. Gotta get there! Gotta get there! Gotta get there!
One mile later, I pulled to a stop at a four-way
intersection. The guy to my right had
clearly gotten there before me. There
was no question. He had the right of
way. A third driver pulled up directly
across from me. And, we all sat there looking at one another.
We all know the rule, right?
If two drivers reach a four-way stop at the same time, the driver on the
right goes first.
So, I look over at the guy.
He’s just sitting there. I wave
him on. He just sits there. I wave again…and that’s when my courage makes
an appearance:
“Come on and go, you freaking idiot!”
I’m looking right at him.
Saying this out loud. But, he's oblivious,
so he waves me through instead.
“Fine! If you’re not
going, then I’m going!” I hit the gas
and sped on.
And, then I wondered if maybe he could see my lips
moving. Could he read lips? Was my emotion on my face? Could he tell that I was being hateful? Ummm, did he know me?
Hmmm. That hadn’t
occurred to me as I blasted him from behind my magic force-field.
And, then I felt guilty.
Well, I didn’t just feel guilty.
I was guilty. You see, if you
take away the windshield, I would never have said those words. In fact, if we had simply been standing in
the open air, twenty feet apart, I probably would have just smiled at him and
kept waving him on until he went first.
That’s just who I am when I’m not secure behind that special invisible
barrier. I don't know why. I guess people are just more real to me when there's no glass between us. (I'm going to have to think about that. There might be another blog in there somewhere. Hmmm.)
Then, something else crossed my mind.
Maybe, when we are all alone and tucked in behind that
engineered safety glass we finally feel like we are in a safe place. Maybe it is the only time we can truly let the inside come visit
the outside. We unconsciously let all of our guards down.
We say out loud what we really think. About politics. About our spouses. About our bosses. Everyone.
We practice speeches.
“Here’s what I should have said: Blah, blah, blah.”
“Next time, this is what I’ll say…I’ll really tell him!”
We laugh at stuff on the radio that we might shun if someone
else was around. We sing the real lyrics of songs instead of bleeping ourselves. (Come on church folk, you know who you are!)
We fart without ramifications.
We sing along to Katy Perry …or Madonna… or Cher …or Leo
Sayer. (Leo Sayer, you say? Well, look him up.) And, we don’t care that we are out of
key. In fact, we think we sound pretty
darn good.
We even think that we're invisible as we mine our nostrils for
hidden treasure.
But, we're also real in other ways behind that transparent
wall.
We cry in the car….all alone.
We scream in the car where no one can hear.
We pray. Real
prayers. The ones that matter. Really sharing our hearts, the good and the
bad with the God that we hope hears and cares.
And, sometimes that’s because we think that He may be the only one that
does.
Windshields are amazing.
It is a statement on our modern society that the only place
we can truly be ourselves is all alone in the car. Can you relate?
Sometimes, I wish I had someone that I could be completely
real with. Someone that I could take off
all the guards and be real without the fear of hurting that person or hurting
myself. Share my hopes. Share my crazy dreams. Share my weaknesses. My shortcomings. My struggles.
My pain. My joy.
There always seems to be a reason to hold back at least a
little bit, even with the closest of friends….at the very least the farts and the
goldmining.
Oh well, thank God for windshields.
